sick

can do almost anything if I put my mind to it. It will and can be accomplished as long as I can do it by myself. When it takes two, it kills me. I guess I am a loner. I try not to be. No real friends. I don't trust people. I do associate, but mostly on superficial pretenses. From time to time I wonder what is the point?

I can relate to Jacko...or to give him a little respect Michael J. He lives in a dream world and I think I do too. I do not play with little kids and thank God I haven't went that insane. The truth is though Mothers don't know what they do to their children when they a re absent. I NEED A MOM ASAP! My chances of getting one at this time is 0-NONE. I need a father too, but a mother more. The funny thing is I see my mother almost everyday. I wonder does she know that I NEED HER! She probably does....maybe doesn't care. I use to think it was the DRUGS! She was off of them. Now there's no excuse. I see that it is her character. Deep Deep Deep down inside it doesn't just hurts....IT KILLS. What can I do about it?

My Daddy has made a career out of going to jail. My mother loves men more than she loves me. How would this make a person feel? Most of the times I try not to think about it. I have fallen on some desperate times in my life. My first boyfriend had it bad, but as I have matured I have learned that "NO-ONE CAN TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME. NO-ONES LOVE/FRIENDSHIP OR CONCERN CAN MAKE ANY OF THIS GO AWAY." Sometimes I think that maybe this life of mines is a dream. I bury myself in my work...working the maximum hours that I can do that I won't EXPLODE.

WHAT DO I HAVE IN THIS WORLD OR RATHER I SHOULD SAY WHO DO I HAVE? MYSELF, MY ISSUES, AND MY LITTLE BROTHER. WAIT A MINUTE DO I HAVE HIM? We are not close, but I would do anything for him. No one else. I can't help but think he had a better life than me. He is more social and praised more. I am not in the game of competition. I am racing towards my own goals.

God I pray for the man who marries me!